continued from On the couch #1:
Me: I mean, I like Japanese girls, but then again I like all kinds of girls….
Doc: I thought we were going to be honest.
Me: Ain’t I?
Doc: I’ve read your blog, Mister…I mean, Loco…I read ALL of it! Every post! Remember you sent me the link? You suggested I could gain some insight or at least see how your imagination works.
Me: I remember.
Doc: It was your idea.
Me: I know.
Doc: So, either you lied on your blog or you’re lying now.
Me: Me and my bright ideas.
Doc: Actually, it was. It was a great idea! Your writing has been more helpful than any ink-blot or psych-evaluation I could give you. I can almost diagnose you right now. That is, if it’s true…
Me: I always tell the truth…even when I lie. Haha. I mean, there are some areas where I took a little poetic license, but for the most part it’s spot on.
Doc: One thing I’ve noticed about your blog, which I find rather curious, is that you don’t talk about girls too often. Is there any particular reason why you avoid them as a topic of your writing?
Me: I hadn’t noticed that. I feel like I have written about them, though not extensively. I just have other things on my mind I guess.
Doc: But you came here initially for the girls, didn’t you?
Me: I don’t think so…
Doc: You don’t think so…
Me: Don’t get me wrong, doc. I think Japanese girls are awfully cute, and they do have a certain something that I find sexually appealing, but they are not the end all be all. They’re just women, nothing more, nothing less.
Doc: Did you feel that way before you came here or was that a realization you’ve come to since coming here?
Me: You got me, Doc. I figured that out here.
Doc: We’re just getting started, Loco. I Haven’t gotten you…not yet.
Me: Ambitious, aren’t we? Got me pegged, do you? Good. I need all the help I can get…
Doc: You wrote in your blog that when you went home you didn’t find any women attractive.
Me: I did, but I think that’s because I’ve gotten accustomed to a certain, I don’t know, form? I mean, the thing about Japanese girls is that, overall, their upkeep is far superior so I’ve probably gotten a little spoiled. But, I’m sure I could adjust back if that was all that was available. At least I hope I can. I intend to go home someday.
Doc: You seem to place a lot of emphasis on looks.
Me: So? Looks rule here. I’ve just adjusted to the climate.
Doc: Ok, listen, Loco, let’s not get into that just yet…it’s a doozy! Let’s start with something a little lighter, why don’t we?
Me: Anything you say.
Doc: Are you angry?
Me: Now, or in general?
Doc: In general…
Me: You’ve read my blog. What do you think?
Doc: I’m a professional diagnostician of mental illnesses. But if I based my diagnosis purely on your blog I’d have to conclude you were either Schizophrenic, bi-polar or suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. Or all of the above.
Me: And what a surprise! They are all treatable with pharmaceuticals. Lucky me. And those lucky pharmaceutical companies…they must love you.
Doc: Don’t deflect. This isn’t about me or the drug companies.
Me: if you say so…
Doc: But, I would never base my diagnosis on your blog. Besides, certain entries in your blog have led me to believe that this “Loco” persona is merely an alter ego, a fictional shell you hide inside.
Doc: I believe the events that you describe occurred but that these events are being depicted by this Loco persona. Loco is telling your story.
Me: That’s deep, Doc.
Doc: You think so? It gets deeper than that I’m afraid…
Me: Do tell.
Doc: Loco, I suspect, is a rather complex coping mechanism born of your need to entertain and your desire for approval. Also…
Me: Whoa, slow down, doc. Don’t you have any lubricants around here? Cuz I gotta feeling this is going to get unpleasant…
Doc: Sorry, Loco, am I coming on too strong?
Me: Keep talking like that doc and I’m gonna have to write you off as a quack.
Doc: Listen, Loco, I know what I’m talking about. I’m in the business of knowing. But I wonder if you do. You understanding your issues is just as, if not, more important than my understanding your issues.
Me: If you say so Doc. I’ve never done this before so I have to trust you, to an extent. And I have serious trust issues I’m told.
Doc: Uh huh.
Me: I mean, if I went to a hospital with a serious injury I would hope the doctors wouldn’t expect me to know as much about fixing me as they do.
Doc: Why do you say you have serious trust issues?
Me: It’s a recurring theme in my life.
Doc: I see.
Me: What do you see?
Doc: I see a lot, Loco. For instance, I see inconsistencies between your writing persona and the persona you’ve brought to my office.
Me: Hence the use of a pen name, Doc.
Doc: Considerable inconsistencies.
Me: I should hope so. I’m not here cuz nothing’s wrong.
Doc: Are you sure about that?
Me: I know nobody’s perfect. Perfection is not my goal. I just want to be able to get through the day without refraining from physically doing harm to someone.
Doc: Uh huh…
Me: It’s starting to hurt…the effort, I mean.
Doc: Uh huh…
Me: I’m serious, Doc. If I could do that my life here would improve 100 fold. Can you help me or not?
Me: So, let’s get started. Let the healing begin!
Doc: What don’t you like about yourself?
Me: Come on doc! I don’t want to stay in the shallow water. Let’s go snorkeling. Hell, let’s go scuba diving.
Doc: By your metaphor, loco, I’m all geared up! But you don’t even have a snorkel, let alone a wet suit and an oxygen tank. So, what do you say we get our feet wet in the shallows a while? Come on, Indulge me.
Me: Sure, Doc. Whatever you say. Ok, I wouldn’t say I was angry so much as I’m indignant, slowly approaching wrathful.
Doc: Thin line between angry and indignant.
Me: I don’t like that word angry. Back home there’s this whole archetype built around the angry black man. It’s become something of a cliche used to diminish a group of complicated people to a single mode of expression. And it kind of sucks…I guess I’m supposed to be more of a righteous black hero…which is a more acceptable stereotype. You know, cause oppression naturally generates moral fiber and what not…or maybe something like a Morgan Freeman or Barack Obama. But, angry…not so much.
Doc: I get that.
Me: And, if I had to choose something, I guess the number one thing I don’t like about myself is…
to be continued…