Over the course of my past 7 years in Japan (some of which I have spoken the Japanese language) I have found that many of my feelings I just can’t express well in Nihongo. For example, all the feelings I would use “Fuck” to express in English, I simply couldn’t feel with its Japanese counterpart. So I was forced to create my own means of expressing the profanity in me that needs an outlet. I call it: Ebonapanese. When you combine Ebonics and Japanese you come up with this. Basically ebonics is a word some educators in America came up with to describe the total disregard for grammatical structure and syntax some black people use when speaking English…I had to give my profane language a name and the word Ebonics itself fills me with very unpleasant thoughts so I felt it was an appropriate name. (Besides Englanese and Enganese were already taken)
10- Kawai fucking sou: That’s too fucking bad, that’s a goddamn shame, that’s totally fucked up! You’re fucked aint you? Like when that Japanese Olympic figure skater drew bronze last week instead of gold, (and the USA took the gold,) and he stood there on that podium looking like he was gonna slit his wrist on the plane home. Kawaii-fucking-sou deshou?
9- Wakkan fucking nai yo! – I don’t understand a goddamn thing you’re saying! Fuck does that mean? That’s Japanese?You gotta be fucking kidding me…This can be used when your Japanese girlfriend (or boyfriend) or spouse gets angry at you and starts to spew all sorts of Japanese they know you can’t follow, ala Ricky Ricardo spitting Spanish at Lucy on the “I Love Lucy” show. (I pity the person who has never seen I love Lucy. Lucille Ball is perhaps the funniest woman to ever grace the idiot box) Midway through their harangue, you shout this and wave dismissively. By no means is this the way to resolve conflict and in some cases may even provoke further conflict, but you’ll feel better (at least I do) and isn’t that the point anyway? lol
8- Hotto i-fucking-te! – Leave me the fuck alone! I started using this one, again, with my ex-girlfriend. She felt (and I really can’t fault her entirely) that I should de-prioritize my writing and upgrade our relationship’s. She had a point. A point she didn’t mind not pushing when she was studying to become an English language tour guide and using me daily for my bottomless well of English knowledge. Anyway, from my perch before my PC’s keyboard I used this little ditty occasionally…
7-Uru-fucking-see– Shut the fuck up! Well, it can be used in so many different situations including the same situations you use numbers 8 and 9 in. If you need me to tell you more situations for which this ditty is useful then I envy you.
6- Miten-ja fucking-ne yo! – Fuck you looking at? Why don’t you cut that shit out? Don’t you know staring at people for whatever fucking reason is fucking rude you asshole? I use this one on the trains or in cafes occasionally, when the intensity of the stare is higher than acceptable levels (laser intensity) or prolonged beyond what I consider to be apt time to get the “My God, he’s not one of us!” out of their system. Except kids…they can stare as long as they like (and they do, the little buggers!)
5- Onaka sui fucking chatta– Loosely translated it means: I’m so hungry I could eat dolphin sushi with natto gravy! Use anytime.
4- Mata fucking ka yo! – Not a-fucking-gain! Use any time. Like at work when I bring a bento of yakisoba and half my co-workers begin the daily chorus of “Yappari, Yakisoba!” I can retort with this (in my head.)
3- U-fucking-zai yo! – You’re getting on my fucking nerves! If you live in Japan and you can’t find a situation to use this consider yourself an honorary Japanese.
2- Osu fucking na! – Push me again and see if I don’t put my foot in your ass! Sometimes I get pushed unreasonably and unnecessarily hard. This little ditty usually reduces it to reasonable.
1- Sumima motherfucking sen– Excuse the fuck outta me! My personal favorite for obvious reasons. What? It’s not obvious? Well, sumima motherfucking sen! Allow me to explain…Sumimasen is the most ubiquitous word in the Japanese language, so the opportunities for uses are astronomical if you’re an habitual profanity user like me.
Well, I hope you find my list entertaining, if not useful. I have many more, of course. These are just the top 10. For a complete list subscribe to this blog and I’ll provide them to you once I’ve compiled them all. Feel free to use any of the above in speech, but if you incorporate them into your writing please trackback to Loco in Yokohama and/or acknowledge the creator…
Loco
PS: I’m so sorry Muza-chan, but this post contains profanity, and I just read the guidelines for submissions…no profanity. Shira fucking nakatta (I didn’t fucking know)…Anyway, so I won’t be submitting anything for the February Matsuri…shouga fucking nai )-;
Loco in Yokohama 
I thought kawaii meant all things disgustingly cute.
it does…kawaiisou means too bad, thats a shame etc
Ah, they’re slightly different in pronunciation, and the kanji is different.
kawaii = かわいい or 可愛い = cute.
The middle character is “愛” which means love. lovable.
kawaisou (note – one “i”) = 可哀相 = sad, pathetic.
The middle character “哀” means “pitiable.”
Hey R, thanks twice! For stealing my creations and for correcting my hatsu fucking on. hehehe
Ari fucking gato (-;
Loco
a few years back i had made an unforgivable mistake by confusing ‘kawaii’ (cute) and ‘kawaisou’ (i feel sorry for you) after a japanese colleague showed me a picture of his young children. his face turned from the proud parent to one of horror.
learnt that lesson the hard way.
Hey Lee! Yeah that’s fucked up lol thanks for the shout
it could have been worse, i guess. if i had of said ‘kowai’ (scary) instead of ‘kawaii’ (cute). i was always self-conscious about confusing the two. ^_^
Interesting point on “fucking” insertion — in English, we always insert the “fucking” immediately before the syllable in the word with the highest syllabic stress (e.g. absoLUTEly => abso-fucking-LUTEly). Just try to insert “fucking” into a word with stress on the first syllable, like “ELephant” — it’s not possible without adding unnatural stress on “phant”.
Japanese, however, is monotonic, so there are no stressed syllables to guide us. Part of what makes this funny is that it imposes English stress patterns onto the Japanese phrases.
BTW I do you really think that the “fucking” insertion thing is a black thing? Seems pretty universal to me; maybe it’s just another example of crossover, though.
LS, thanks for the shout! I don’t know if it’s a black thing or not…I just used Ebonics because I hate the word and Enganese and Englanese were taken. Maybe an even better, more appropriate name would be fuckinese or Fuckinapanese…
And I don’t think Japanese is entirely Monotonic. there are stresses is some Japanese words, at least when spoken there are. At least I think so…
Loco (-;
Japanese has some pitch-based tones (that I don’t really get very well … they vary a lot by region, and they obviously aren’t crucial for meaning like in Chinese). And they have sentence-long stress patterns and intonations just like English. What they don’t have is the stress patterns within words that English and most other European languages do. Which is why the fake accent they do to imitate gaijin sounds like “SOOM-i-ma-SEN, waTASH-i wa ba-KAA desu.”
Anyway, awesome blog, don’t let the bastards get you down.
@LS, don’t worry! I’m in it to win it!
@Bored! Thanks Bruh!
@Overoften, Thanks yo! How do you pronounce that anyway?
“tuh-MEE-sis”, I think.
Overoften, thanks. a new word! More ammo for the arsenal (-;
Loco
And the word for putting words inside other words is… get ready now… tmesis. Only word in the dictionary (at least MY dictionary) that begins with t and m.
Sugoi fucking ne! LoL
whoa.. chotto fucking matte! I can’t believe someone else does this too!
Eh! I love that one too…thanks Thomas!
Yep you’re not alone!
Un-fucking-believable.
Totally stealing these. Hee hee!
Nice article! I’d like to add:
kanben-fucking-shite yo! – ‘give me a fucking break’ or (possibly only for the Brits) ‘fucking leave it out’.
Thanks Ed! I guess you can replace all the fucking with bloody and it’ll sound mad british. Ari bloody gato my tomo fucking dachi! (-:
Black folk can make a language within any language on the planet!
I love it!
I’ve uttered “Gomen frickin’ nasai” under my breath a few times. My Japanese colleague shook her head one time when I was stuck for words and exclaimed “Sugoku….sugoi!” one time.
No one around me right now would understand any of these words, so I have to stop myself laughing out loud.
I keep a list of ‘Real Japanese’ words and phrases, and these are so going on there! Though as a white girl I couldn’t say them except inside my own head.
maji kakkou FUCKING ii! 😉
I bet this could take off in Kansai. Shinjirare fucking HEN. omo-fucking-roi. kame-fucking-hen!!
HEy! Osaka fucking ben! I love it! Thanks for the shout!
hilariously creative!!